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EQ IMPACT: People only change their behavior when they see a clear benefit

Last week was a doozy for me in regards to the emotional roller coaster. I am still sitting in some emotions - pausing and processing, so I can persevere through to keep my peace and power.

But in the meantime, I wanted to come to you with some thoughts.....

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you angry... that's okay. Sit in it.

Let's explore how the powerful components of emotional intelligence, self-awareness and self-regulation, can empower you to be emotionally brilliant every day.

It's a fact: people only change their behavior when they see a clear benefit. The first step towards this change is self-awareness, where you understand your motivations and make a conscious decision to change. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

two women working together
two women working together

Remember, everyone has the potential for behavioral flexibility, but it's up to you to unleash it. It's time to flex that muscle! The key to unlocking your full potential lies in your willingness and practice to make flexibility a natural part of your behavior.

It is a good leadership trait too!


Let's talk about the number one reason for building your behavior muscle—YOU! To adjust your behavior and gain self-awareness, you must have the knowledge, capacity, and willingness.


There are three items I want to share with you that have helped me learn behavior flexibility.


First, let's acknowledge something important: We ALL have unconscious biases. It's a part of being human. 😮 Now, let's dive deeper into this topic. 

Yes...Emotional Intelligence has everything to do with unconscious bias!

Unconscious bias is a personal and sometimes unreasoned judgment towards someone, a culture, or a situation. This bias could be based on perceptions, how you were raised, and experiences. Get those in check. Understand why you have the bias. What are you feeling? Why do you feel the way you feel?


"Bias is woven through culture like a silver cord woven through cloth. In some lights, it's brightly visible; In others, it's hard to distinguish. And your position relative to that glinting thread determines whether you see it at all." Jessica Nordel

Unconscious bias shapes how we interact with one another. Our senses are bombarded by about 11 million pieces of information at any given moment, but we're only capable of processing 40. We can't take the time to process all that info, so our brain's natural mechanism is to create preconceived or unreasoned feelings, opinions, or beliefs. That's what bias is...a shortcut!


Second – Identify your triggers. Look at times when you have felt angry or sensitive. Was it something someone said? A triggering statement such as "You don't know what you are talking about, "You don't know anything," or "You will never accomplish that" can trigger us to shut down and be upset. We all want to be valued, respected and heard. The last one, "being heard," is huge. If we feel that we haven't been heard…that could be a trigger. If you know what triggers your anger or emotion, remain calm….this leads us to number  3.

Third – Keep your Power. When you can't control what is happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what's happening. That's where your power is, don't give it away. When you are in an unfavorable or tense situation, count to double-digits. Allow that emotion to travel to the frontal lobe to rationalize it. Take your time.


*That doggone frontal lobe makes us rationalize like adults!

The best decisions are made when you slow down—including deciding how you will respond. Some, more than others, drag their luggage everywhere they go (without wheels… it's old luggage). This luggage is your past. Do not give your past any power to define your future.


Remember, this is your journey. The more self-aware you become, the more socially aware you become in understanding and tuning into the behavior of others, especially in the workplace!


🗣 Every next level of your life will demand a different you—you with more confidence and insurmountable strength—which is why behavior flexing is very important.

team learning and laughing in a workshop
team learning and laughing in a workshop


This means adjusting your openness, directness, pace, and priority to the other person's preference while maintaining your own identity and having good relationships. Remember the saying, "It's not what you say, but how you say it? Well, continue this with…"It is also how it is received."


Once others start experiencing this change in you…they will begin adapting or flexing their behavior…or not. But don't let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace. Flex that behavior muscle!

If you continue to act how you always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten! 


Grab this handout to help you see how you can maximize your emotional intelligence!

Results of maximizing your EQ_Freebie
Download PDF • 1.78MB

Let's be Emotionally Brilliant (96.8% of the time!)🥴!

Nicole F. Smitth Signature
Nicole F. Smitth Signature

WAIT! I have (re)launched my podcast! Changed branding, changed name, changed logo! Nothing is wrong with a little change! I will share the story why in a later blog, but in the meantime...take a listen (or look) on your favorite podcast platform OR see us power through our conversation at! Here is a 🔥 (Direct Link!)

Take a listen as I speak to my mentor and friend...the powerhouse Dr. Shirley Davis!



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